Ralph talks about finding what our core is.
This is a story about how I found my core and what it is.
Why I want to share something so deeply personal to me – because I’d like to give people courage to do the same.
I made a commitment with myself and with God to share my heart so that people could better understand what drives me to dig for love within and without, and so they could do the same.
It is relevant to share what broke me so that I could be made whole again. (Not a corny one liner, I promise, but is the truth).
The concepts that Ralph teaches are not new to me. This is a story that explains how his teachings are relevant and how they help.
This was written last year (in March).
A year ago I dated a man who made me feel and believe as though there was something wrong with me. There were of course others before him, but he was the pinnacle of all the heartbreaks.
I suppose not being/feeling loved is somehow ingrained in my subconscious mind from my early years, but that is another story. The relevance here was that, needing that validation is something I had always needed/wanted. That validation, however, although not the same as was in my younger years manifested into this need for validation in my twenties. What I wanted was to truly share my heart with someone. What it came out to be, because I didn’t know love within myself, was me chasing after people.
“The guy”, who shall remain nameless, for the sake of his anonymity, broke up with me over a text message, with an “I”m sorry you are not the one and I don’t love you and the things that bothered me about you before still bother me now.” Those words “broke” me. Words really do kill, as Buren says.
I heard not the nice things that he said, that I did deserve someone who did love me and gave me what I wanted in a relationship but that I wasn’t loved. This was the third time we would be parting and perhaps why this whole thing was such a pinnacle and a complete devastation for me.
All I heard was that I wasn’t loved.
By the powers that be, whatever powers you wish to believe in, I was brought to a book, called Love Does, and to a conference revolving around that book, a book and a conference that gave me the courage to find the validation within myself that has been there all along, but that I desperately searched for from others.
The validation that I was loved. That I. Was. Love. I was made of it. I. Was. It.
And the love I felt, after I had discovered this, was only amplified as I shared it with the world. I was no longer my heartbreaks. I no longer lacked anything. I was no longer “abandoned”.
I learned that to share my love with the world was human and to be loved was kosher. (We all want that). I learned that the best way to receive it is to give it and to give it freely. I wasn’t weird, or “too much”. This wasn’t an issue and I didn’t need to be “fixed”.
There was absolutely nothing wrong with me. I wanted to make the world a better place and to be loved and be loving to others and that was “normal”, not dellusional.
That love has been changing my life ever since. I am living proof that doing, feeling, and thinking Love attracts goodness into your life. That doesn’t mean every day is rainbows and roses, it just means that most days rather than not, I feel loved, I feel grateful, I see, am attracted to and seek goodness in life, and in people, and in circumstances. But I am human and although all this is wonderful what Ralph has taught me so far is how to fine tune all this.
Want patience? BE patience.
Thinking a bad thought? Pause. Ask yourself: why? Chew it, digest it, and rationalize in your mind that you have absolutely no reason to feel that way.
Negativity usually comes from fear. So what is it that we are so afraid of?
So why am I sharing all this?
Because I want to tell people that this stuff works. It does change your life, but it takes time. It’s gradual, but it happens; and the more you keep your eyes and heart open the more you’ll see how.
God IS love. Why would anyone not want that in their lives?
People have opened up their hearts and their homes to me. I have truly amazing friends and my life continues to grow and be better every single day. But Ralph with the School of Positive Thinking is really driving this home. Because every single day we are faced with situations, that for the last 20, 30, 40 years our minds have been conditioned to react to.
None of you that know me now, knew the crocodile tears I shed every single day when I didn’t feel the love I craved. Perhaps I was a completely different individual, or perhaps the true me was there all along, and I just needed to tap into my true core.
The biggest thing I have learned and am learning is to how control that beautiful thing called our mind. A beautiful thing we need to learn to tame for the better. Learning to recognize when it’s about to go off the deep end. In this way, I am able to be more patient with people, to be more empathetic and to be less reactionary, to be more more aware and “in tune” with my surroundings.
All the love that I have put out into the world and have felt within me returns to me every single day tenfold.
Written March 2014.